Dilbert product design

I must have slept funny last night, because man my hip and knee are killing me.  If I sit down, it's not too bad, but when I stand up and take my first few steps I have to hold my breath it hurts so bad.  And no, I did not bring any aspirin with me on the trip.

Anyway, so I grimace my way through the morning and keep a happy face on during my talk and during the Q&A session.  Then I hobble down to the cab stand, ride to the airport, go through security and all that stuff.  All the while, all I can think about is "Where is the convenience store in Terminal C?  Where where where?" I need to high-dose on Tylenol. 
Fortunately, my gate is a low number gate and the store is right there.  Hallelujiah!  So I quickly purchase a 4 pack (two pills in each envelope) and sit down at the gate.  But I can't f'ing open the gd aspirin packets!  I am trying very very hard to control myself, and not scare the neighbors into thinking I can use a trip to the security office.  I bite my tonque (I'm not worried, I'm pretty sure it can be reattached with a few stitches) and continue assaulting the kevlar packing.  What am I doing wrong?  There are no "tear notches", no zip strips.  They won't open. 

So, I figure I'm not dumb (at least not in anything but short bursts - see above) and I stop, take a breath and read the packet.  What do I see at the top of the packet?

A little picture of scissors telling me how to open the packets.  Now, when was the last time you got scissors through airport security?  Without a visit to the security office that is (see above - it's really not that bad of a place you know)?